In lieu of Deena's recent arrest I thought it was appropriate to include her as a .gif here. I also feel like it reflects my laziness over the last little while regarding this blog. I've completely let all 8 of you faithful followers down. But, I have "NO SHAME!" Time to move on, what's done is done. To further celebrate my laziness I've included 3 reviews in this post... because I have "NO SHAME!" Hope y'all enjoy.
Reviewer's Note: Due to the fact I've been lazy and haven't gotten
around to doing these reviews, I'm offering each movie review ONLY in an
abbreviated fashion. This is of course temporary and is only being done
to get caught up.
The Cabin in the Woods
BRIEF REVIEW: Though
The Cabin in the Woods
is certainly not up everyone's horror alley, it is a fresh alternative
to the torture porn and remake trends which have gutted Hollywood horror
as of late. It breathes fresh air back into the stale genre, while also
cleverly turning scary movies on their utterly empty heads. The common
elements of the horror movie are intricately woven into the plot of the
film. Genre stereotypes and archetypes such as "The Virgin", "The Jock,"
and "The Stoner" are all on full display and are utilized or recycled,
then deconstructed which leads to a reconfiguration as we find ourselves
questioning every tenet and value of what is heroic, horrifying, and/or
humorous. Yeah, this is definitely on the deep end of the philosophical
film pool. Further, the movie is brilliantly paced as every cut and
edit is meant to defy the Hollywood narrative structure. You'll find
yourself saying, "Wait that's not how it's supposed to be," which is
precisely the response it's attempting to illicit.
The Cabin in the Woods
is a delightful "tongue-in-cheek" gore fest, but does suffer from its
own problems as the film's meta-referencing is so vast and deft, that
the common movie-goer will find themselves lost at times. This is a
movie that may actually require a prerequisite course in Horror Movies
101. In short, its fun, different, and may be the best horror movie
(though because it's so different and bends the genre so much it's
probably not a "horror" movie at all) of recent memory. One thing is for
certain if you're a fan of
Buffy, this will certainly be your cup of tea as producer Joss Whedon's blood, sweat, and humor permeate every frame of this flick.
GRADE: B
The Five-Year Engagement
BRIEF
REVIEW: Sometimes the trailer for a movie not only tells the entire
movie, but is also far more entertaining than the film itself. Such is
the case with
The Five-Year Engagement. At times laugh-out-loud
funny, the movie suffers from sloppy pacing while lulling the audience
into a stupor of boredom. What should typically be told in an hour and a
half, is instead drug out over the course of two very uneventful hours.
I struggle sleeping and am probably as much of an insomniac as
Christian Bale in
The Machinist, however this movie actually put
me to sleep. It's so uneven, that it feels at times like a really bad
'SNL' sketch that even Kristen Wiig couldn't make funny. For every funny
moment and one-liner, the film has about a dozen truly stupid and lazy
attempts at making us laugh. The first act is probably the only place
where the film works, after that I'm not entirely sure what was supposed
to happen. Of course they work through problems and finally get hitched
(sorry for the spoiler, but it's a rom-com what do you expect?). Alison
Brie does her best here in a supporting role and truly steals the show.
Note to Hollywood: Give Brie more starring roles. In the end, I found
myself crawling out of the theater wishing I'd waited for Redbox. It's
really just an overlong, "okay" movie. Save your money for other Summer
film fare and rent
Forgetting Sarah Marshall, truly that was Segel's comedic peak.
GRADE: C
Dark Shadows
BRIEF REVIEW: Tim Burton
is one of my favorite directors. Needless to say, I was anticipating
this film on that merit alone. Mix in Johnny Depp, Michelle Pfeifer, and
Helena Bonham Carter and one should expect cinematic magic.
Unfortunately, Burton's latest offering seems forced, uneven, aimless,
and half-hearted. In deed, Burton seems bored with the material all
together. The tone of the piece ranges from comic to dramatic, but does
so awkwardly. I found myself wondering if I was supposed to care for the
characters. The comic moments certainly are the film's strength. Depp,
as always, is on his "A game," and even when muddling through sub-par
dialogue and story, he carves out a memorable performance. Bonham Carter
(Burton's wife and muse) is similarly great with her cynical
personality and snarky sexually-laced commentary. Even still, their
performances are simply not enough to keep
Dark Shadows from
sinking. The story lacks complexity yet still somehow manages to be
confusing. Tonally speaking, Burton misses the mark--so much so that I'm
still not sure if it was supposed to be comedic or dramatic or neither.
The visual splendor and set design present in all of Burton's films was
definitely present, however the lack of character development
completely kills the film. It's been awhile since Burton has made
something I've really enjoyed (Sweeney Todd). The more I like Burton,
the less I like him as well. His film's seem either HIT (Ed Wood, Big
Fish, Edward Scissorhands, etc.) or MISS (Mars Attacks, Planet of the
Apes, etc.) and
Dark Shadows is more MISS than HIT.
GRADE: C+ (only because Depp and Bonham Carter are so good)
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