First and foremost, isn’t Jennifer Lawrence HOT! Yup, sure is…Now to the real news.
Okay, so when I started this blog up I decided I'd try to be the least bit personal. Yes, my personality, thoughts, opinions, etc., would be on the page; however this would not be the blog where I tell you everything going on in my life. Ex: "Woke up today. Caught up with The Kardashians, but feeling sick, shouldn't have eaten that extra roll at Texas Roadhouse! Oh well, I'll be okay, because after all the journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step, so I'll take that step today and be happy." THIS IS NOT THAT KIND OF BLOG. I'm certainly not here to air my dirty laundry. I wouldn't write that and certainly wouldn't read it.
However, in lieu of certain events that transpired over the last 24 hours, I feel it necessary to divulge (ever slightly) into my personal life. So... with that here it goes...
If you'll remember, I reviewed Like Crazy a couple days ago. In that film, I couldn't help but feel for Jennifer Lawrence. She was in love with Anton Yelchin (Jacob) who wasn't as sold on her as he was on Felicity Jones (Anna). In a moment of desperation and sensing that Yelchin is about to abandon her, Lawrence confesses her feelings to him. "But, I love you." Tears fall. Silence rests upon the two. But most of all Lawrence waits for the words she deeply knows will never be uttered by Yelchin. Instead the words, "I'm sorry..." are spoken. Lawrence leaves.
Though you'd think Lawrence had learned her lesson, she hasn't. She is of course in love with Yelchin and even though he rejected her once before she comes back because of course she loves him--like crazy (pun very much intended). Yet again, Lawrence is the one hurt as Yelchin can't get over the one he loves. But, it’s Lawrence that suffers most. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. The only time I really had a hard time in Like Crazy was watching Lawrence's heartbreak—subtle but entirely realistic.
Now to the personal application of this story... I have someone whom I have held special in my heart for quite some time. We dated. Talked a lot. Texted...and did I mention we talked a lot? (like for hours on the phone) Anyway, this person who shall remain nameless pulled an almost identical stunt as Yelchin did. Yet again, I was the one hurt, unable to sleep, and feeling like a fool exactly as Lawrence did. Though I make fun of Twilight (all of course for very good reasons) I finally understood why Bella (Kristen Stewart) does that screaming-moan-thing in bed when she and Edward break up (or is it when her and Jacob break up? Who cares!). It's because when you think someone loves you and then find out they really don't, you feel like a hole has been drilled into your body. Nothing can fill it (that sounded dirty, but just follow me here). Instead, you walk around trying to fill that gaping hole with friendship, or entertainment, or really anything. That is how I feel right now. Empty, hurt, and maybe a little bloated (damn Texas Roadhouse does it every time).
Last night I was (at least metaphorically) Jennifer Lawrence. I was the one trying yet again to walk away, wishing I didn't care, but knowing full well that I'd be missing it (the love) and what we had like crazy...
I know this individual reads this blog and I hope they understand not necessarily how it feels to be hurt, but how I feel. I'll move on now and at some point things will get better--they have too.
My idol and favorite author Stephen King once said, "Hope is a good thing--maybe the best of things. And no good thing ever dies." I sure hope he’s right.
I'm glad Brit's got such wise words of wisdom... Thanks boo! Moving on...